Do women lead men to cheat?
This week I’ve had the pleasure of overhearing and joining in a few conversations on fidelity. Be it due to the latest star athlete caught with his pants down or someone’s personal experience, the topic of cheating can easily become a heated conversation. What I found most interesting is who people decide to blame and more often than not, it’s the woman.
It’s no secret that men are easily seduced, making them weak to the advancements of women. Which may be why “the other woman” is often blamed for the destruction of a relationship. Second in line for the blame game is the wife/girlfriend. When a man strays, suddenly everything from her housekeeping to bedroom skills come into question. Although men aren’t exempt from blame, they may be deserving of a little sympathy if they can prove that they did not originally pursue the relationship (see the seduction rule). So in our attempt to become more socially aware I ask, do women make men cheat?
UsrNme1
January 14th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Well said!! Women are a living, breathing drug that men are easily addicted to and often over use. A lot of women are attracted to married men and seduce him as a challenge. It makes some women feel powerful to be able to get a married man in bed.
January 15th, 2010 at 7:33 am
Are you kidding me?? I think it would be more “socially aware” to consider the issues in every situation. People make their own decisions and whether it be a man or a women, they know the difference between right and wrong. To blame women for infidelity is insensitive and ridiculous.
January 15th, 2010 at 7:41 am
Right on!!! Women are evil, they tempt us with short skirts, fake boobs and the fragrance of the week and then once the have us they expect us to grow some kind of force field blocking out all other women. It’s impossible!!!! The only thing that is better than your steady woman is a new woman. Any man that is telling you different is lying.
January 16th, 2010 at 5:57 pm
All guys cheat. Men are hunters by nature. I spoke to many men this week, asking their views on fidelity and it seems that the only men who don’t cheat are either too lazy or have incredibly low self-esteem. Men know that’s why women allow men to fatten up after they hookup. Pretending to be concerned with the weight, all while piling more food on the dinner plate. Women secretly want their men to become unattractive to other women. But there is always a woman out there with a no man, that will take your man in any condition. We’ve all heard the saying that an attached man is more attractive than a single man. Funny that there is a similar saying among women regarding gay men, how “all the cute ones are gay”. Hmmmmmm, women have a deep desire for the unattainable and men have a deep desire for …….women. I need to do more research, because that just sounded like a logical explanation for why the attached man cheats.
January 18th, 2010 at 11:51 am
I happen to be a woman that thinks it is human nature for both men and women to cheat. Just as it can be to be gluttonous or greedy with food. It takes self-control to stay faithful and that’s easier for some people than it is for others.
January 18th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
Cheating is about low self-esteem. Men cheat more because they spend more time acting like everything is OK instead of dealing with reality, which internally destroys their self-esteem. So when any bimbo gives him as much as a second look it makes the self-esteem meter jump a notch. Keep your man feeling good about himself and challenged and he will not cheat.
January 18th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Interesting research completed today. When I asked women about men and fidelity, most agreed that most men cheat, except of course for their husbands and fathers. Then I asked if any of them had dated a married man. Seven out of ten had! This is not looking good for women, I must get some more research.
January 18th, 2010 at 7:30 pm
I saw a SociallyAware.com advertisement that angrily lead me to this site, and now I”m even more pissed. Not one woman has defended this topic clearly.
Men are weak, simple-minded creatures who at times happen to be incredibly attractive and loving. Being with a man is like raising an exotic animal, they can be cute, cuddly and full of personality and then one day they rip your heart out of your chest. It’s an animal, it’s in their nature to ……hunt, attack. Being in a committed relationship is a challenging task for any human being. Being in a relationship with a man, is like trying to keep that exotic animal on a leash. Women don’t lead men to cheat, men are animals and can’t help themselves.
January 19th, 2010 at 4:30 am
Hey, Hey Paula. That is a strong point you make about men and their weaknesses. But I must ask, if men are “animals” and can’t help themselves, shouldn’t women use this knowledge and stay away from them? If men are so simple-minded, couldn’t they be easily lead to cheating by a woman?
January 19th, 2010 at 2:02 pm
When a child eats glue, do you blame the glue???
January 19th, 2010 at 2:02 pm
Point taken.
January 19th, 2010 at 4:11 pm
So I did some research today. I asked 10 women over the age of 80 about fidelity.
Let me start by saying that there is no short answer to any question you ask someone over the age of 80. I asked, if women lead men to cheating? The responses varied, but most had a similar bond and it was a sympathy for the “simple-minded” man. Statements such as “Sometimes they just can’t help themselves”, “Men have many needs”,”It takes a lot to make a relationship work” and the saddest of them all was “It’s hard to keep a man’s mind and body honest for 50 years”. Seven of the women had the same attitude about infidelity, as most do about paying taxes. You know it’s going to happen, you don’t like it and you move on. Two of the women were bitter and angry. They were quick to tell stories about how they had been scorned. Displaying the emotional wounds left by one or maybe several men that have yet to heal. Then there was Josephine, who I asked while waiting in line at CVS. She adamantly proclaimed that her husband has been faithful through out their 58 years of marriage. “Yeah right” huffs her sister in line next to her.
Maybe there are some men out there that can give us a new opinion on this topic. Are men really that …….vulnerable?
January 20th, 2010 at 7:41 am
Women have dealt with infidelity for generations and in many cases the propensity to cheat and the tolerance for it is passed down from generation to generation. My father was not faithful to my mother for a big part of their marriage and much like what was said in an earlier post, I believe the only reason he stopped was due to laziness.
As women we need to find better ways to protect ourselves from infidelity and the first step is to STOP DATING MARRIED MEN!!
January 20th, 2010 at 7:50 am
I spoke to a few men this morning and a great point was brought to my attention, I think men and women cheat for different reasons, but it seems what gets men in trouble is being more capable of separating the physical from the emotional. Men can have sex just for sex, with absolutely no desire to start or continue an emotional relationship. Not that women can’t have no strings attached sex, it’s just not the norm. I will talk to some more men today, there have to be a some truly loyal men that can explain how to harness some self-control.
January 22nd, 2010 at 1:08 pm
I think men are most faithful when they are young boys. They are faithful until girls start to become interested in sex. So it’s right about the time of college or the early 20’s when a young woman learns how to use her body to turn a man’s mind to mush. Men use power and money to lure in women that would otherwise be outside of their dating range. Women typically cheat with men who in some way seem more powerful than the man they have. Men cheat with any woman that makes them feel powerful. With that, starts an endless circle.
“UsrNme1″ you surveyed some men earlier and came to the conclusion that “men who don’t cheat are either too lazy or have incredibly low self-esteem” Well, in a way I think you are right. That statement could probably fit for both men and woman, who become more faithful when it would take to much work to find someone better than who they are currently with (lazy), or convinced that no one else could love them for all of their faults (incredibly low self-esteem). All others may just stay in a constant search fo a better thrill. It’s a stretch, but it makes sense.
January 23rd, 2010 at 8:07 am
I have always found it interesting that a woman who’s man is cheating will threaten and give the mistress the evil eye if they happen to run in to each other at the corner store, yet she climbs in to bed with her cheating man every night. It’s almost as if the women do blame the other women for the a man’s cheating.
January 26th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
What kind of bullshit question is that??? I saw an advertisement for this site, which also seemed like an advertisement for adultery! Excusing men for their sins and filthy behavior. Keep your smut to yourself! I’ll pray for you and all who visit this site.
January 26th, 2010 at 12:26 pm
“Herstry4us”, so I assume by your comment that your answer is……. No. Thank you for visiting the TheSociallyAware.com and we appreciate your prayers.
February 5th, 2010 at 6:17 pm
its every bodys fault. but the problem starts at home. maybe the wife isn’t as affectionate, maybe shes a bitch, maybe she just dont care any more. we as men might not show apreciation for every thing women do for us but for the most part i think we really do apreciate it. but if we see theres no effort on the womens part most men might feel then why should we put in effort to be faithful.
February 6th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
Interesting point “Jose” can you share with us what you mean by “effort”. Maybe you hold some information that would help some women who may be in this situation. Is “effort” a code word for something sexual?
February 8th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Politicians, ministers and millionaire athletes, men who have so much more to lose than my piece of crap husband and they still cheat. Why did I get married???
February 8th, 2010 at 5:09 pm
it doesnt have to be sexual. when i say effort i mean everyday things, for example not naggin us would be nice, telling us some thing that might make a guy feel good about the relationship instead of calling us a “piece of crap husband” like Cheryl did. and i average guys have plenty to lose, like i tell my wife money isnt everything. some women might make a guy feel like all the over time one works isnt worth anything. for some guys its easier to cheat than to go rob a bank.
February 13th, 2010 at 12:15 am
I think it’s sad that so many people excuse a bad behavior just because it’s common. Even worse is that some justify such behavior as the result of animalistic tendencies remaining from our evolutionary process.
I should also point out that it’s natural for people to desire to kill those who have wronged them. At one point, society embraced the practice of slavery as an acceptable behavior. Why don’t we accept such behaviors now? Because of the evolution of social constructs. Killing still happens, of course, but most people manage to have the self-control to avoid it. Slavery is now illegal, and most people in our society believe it is wrong.
Now for cheating … I see a dangerous trend. People seem to be accepting cheating as a natural behavior, and thus excusable. But the reality is that people DO have the ability to exercise self-control. But it requires investing heavily in a relationship with your life-long partner, and that means working to put the other before yourself. I would argue that the plague 21st century America is pure selfishness (and this takes many forms). There’s something to be said for setting yourself apart from all the losers of society. Cheaters are losers in my book, and those who make excuses are the “lazy” ones. It’s not hard to cheat … but it is very hard to love someone unconditionally and put them before yourself. Up to the challenge?
February 13th, 2010 at 8:09 am
“Case4humanity”, Cheating is a natural behavior!!! The institution of monogamy is based on selfishness. Who got to decide that two people must be stuck together for the rest of their lives. I firmly believe that people come in and OUT of our lives for a reason, and as humans we should be allowed to explore our sexual. spiritual and emotional energy with whoever we like. There is a reason that you meet someone and feel an overwhelming connection, you feel drawn to them because it’s natural.
Slavery and killing are based on causing someone harm, stifling someones spirit or last breath. Sharing your mind and body with another human being is based on love. Committing to anything for the rest of your life is just ridiculous. How does anyone know what they are going to feel, know, love or want in 3 years, let alone 15 or 20.
I compare relationships in this society to the way many animals are raised and treated to be processed for eating. People are trapped in relationships like cows and chickens trapped in make shift barns. Forced fed and crowded, when we all know they should be able to roam free.
February 13th, 2010 at 5:41 pm
“the plague 21st century America is pure selfishness (and this takes many forms)” That is a powerful statement “Case4humanity”, one that has just inspired me to do more and more to for social awareness.
But “wise1NY” makes an interesting point, sometimes I wonder if it is the institution of monogamy that is the issue or those who willing choose to join it then defy it?
February 14th, 2010 at 9:11 am
Wise1Ny, this is why we live in the wonderful country we choose! Nobody is FORCED to get married. I don’t have a problem with someone who wants to stay single and experience being with different women. I don’t even really have a problem with someone deciding after a few years they don’t want to be married anymore.
What I have a problem with is the complete selfish disregard for the other person by BETRAYING them. Cheating is despicable behavior, and it most certainly causes harm to the other person by leaving a deep psychological wound.
In short, sharing your mind and body with another human being is a beautiful thing, but only if its done in the context of loving honesty, understanding and compassion.
Comparing marriage to a make shift barn where cows and chickens are raised for the slaughter is really a very opinionated analogy. I know it’s like that for some people, but also know many couples who have a very exiting and loving relationship that is built on interactions that move beyond the surface sexual-emotional attachments of most short-term relationships. It’s the ultimate proving ground for selflessness.
I would like you to qualify your claim that monogamy is based on human selfishness. Pair bonding is common in animal species, not just humans. Some species of birds even mate for life.
While we’re on the subject, why don’t we look at the difference between the sexes? Why is it that women are much more inclined toward monogamy than men? Compare gay and lesbian couples, where women tend to be much more monogamous, and males are more inclined to have several partners. I would say this is evidence that men are inclined to have multiple partners, straight or gay, whereas women are inclined toward lifelong mating relationships. Therefore, it’s seems pretty improbable that women lead men to cheat (unless you want to blame them for monogamy).
February 14th, 2010 at 4:47 pm
Well we both agree that making a commitment that you can’t keep is wrong. But then you had to go and throw men under the bus. Fags have no morals, they will do it anywhere and with anyone. So I don’t think it’s right to compare their habits with straight men.
I hate to be cliche’ but it takes two to tango, and let me tell you that I have hit the dance floor with several married women. Women cheat just as often as men and to make matters worse they are the catalyst for the indiscretions for most men.
According to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri, 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. If people wouldn’t fool themselves in to believing they can be monogamous, so many marriages wouldn’t fall apart.
February 14th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Whoaaaaaaaa!! “wise1NY”, Please don’t use the “F” word when referring to gay men. Your opinion does count and we all want you to share your voice. Please read what TheSociallyAware.com is all about and try not to resort to name calling when sharing your thoughts. Thank you.
February 14th, 2010 at 5:43 pm
wise1NY, I second the notion that we should refrain from name calling, it undermines an intellectual discussion.
Thanks for your statistics. Your analysis of them is a bit one-sided, though. If 50% of first marriages end in divorce, then we must assume that the other 50% don’t end in divorce. Your anecdotal experiences aren’t really revealing either. Just because you’ve scored with some married women isn’t evidence that women are just as inclined to cheat as men. Would you care to reveal how you became involved with these women so we can analyze the demographics?
According to psychologist Dr. Lusterman, author of “Infidelity: A Survival Guide”, most women cheat out of emotional need or even boredom. Men usually cheat for physical stimulation (they tend to be more visual). In other words, women are much more likely not to stray if their emotional needs are being met and a degree of excitement is always a part of the relationship. Men, on the other hand, might cheat simply because they prefer the visual variety. No doubt that it’s harder for a man to stay monogamous than it is for a woman, but it’s not easy for a woman to stay monogamous if her husband is always away on business, doesn’t connect with her emotionally, and offers no excitement in the relationship.
To conclude, one partner can drive the other to cheat, but cheating can be prevented if both sides work to create an atmosphere that meets the needs of the other person. But how can you meet the needs of the other person if all you’re thinking about is yourself? Thus, I return to my original hypothesis that the root of all cheating is pure selfishness.
February 17th, 2010 at 9:24 pm
I apologize. “Case4humanity” you are starting to sound like my marriage counselor, or should I say ex-marriage counselor. I guess I have a lot of built up resentment when it comes to this issue. I’ve never seen monogamy work for anybody. I’ve seen people stay together through their indiscretions, but I don’t know of one relationship that has been completely faithful, yet I’m constantly judged for my unwillingness to commit to one person.
The best way I can answer your question is that I meet the needs of another person until I don’t want to anymore, and unlike some married people, when that time occurs I let go of the relationship.